[My Bluez] Painful Pasts: How I Blew “30 Million In One Night” … by Tega

“…thirty million in one night…thirty million in one night…thirty million in one night…thirty million in one night…thirty million in one night…thirty million in—”

That very line in Jay-Z’s “Holy Grail” rap kept ringing in my head like a spoilt compact disc in a CD player, as I sat down wondering what I just did to myself… that line wasn’t made for Mike Tyson alone, I swear! How did I even get myself in this godforsaken situation?

6 hours before…

I was in a friend’s car with another friend, making three of us, and we were talking about a Chinese girls’ hideout believed to be located at Ikeja and how wasteful the high charge of 100K to use one’s pestle in an Asian mortar is…. It was the end of the month, I just received my monthly pay, and we were on our way to hang out and spend some of the money on grilled fish and liquor.

5 hours before…

I was killing the effect of the pepper used in preparing the fish with chilled mixed liquor… while we kept discussing how wasteful it is to stay in a hotel room/suite that is over 50K, even as a wealthy man. All through the conversation, I maintained my stand to spend as much as I can to enjoy life and live comfortably….

4 hours before…

A friend called and later joined us where we were chilling, with a girl in tow and he planned to hit the girl that night… in my apartment! Meaning I would be homeless that Friday night… well, what were we friends for? Where was I going to sleep though? You can guess that I was too drunk to figure that out on time… and my friend with the car suggested we go clubbing!

3 hours before…

Yes, clubbing; not a bad idea… but with which of our girls? Oh wait! I remembered I met a girl and her friend few days back, so I called them. It was like they were waiting for my call because before I could say “Jack”, they were already singing about boredom killing them, and their ultimate yearn to go out… and I offered to rescue them from the clasp of boredom! Something I shouldn’t have done….

2 hours before…

We picked the girls up at a junction. Drove from clubs to clubs to see the one that suited our mood… then my friend received a call from home—no, from his wife. His wife was ill and his attention was needed… meaning I would be left alone with the two skimpy clothed hot looking girls to club with all night—not a bad idea, or so it seemed. So, we picked this very beautiful club and my friend quickly drove home to attend to his wife… tell you what: I should’ve followed him ‘jejely’!

1 hour before…

So, I walked into the club like a Don, flanked by two gorgeous and sexy girls. I envisaged that we were just going to take few affordable beer or energy drink to make us get naughty for the night, which wouldn’t hurt my pocket… then one of the guys working with the club pointed that I should take the stairs to the section that befitted my status—my two “chikitos” were getting me ranks already—I swear women make the world go round… or they make it go down, depends on which side of the coin you can see.

Feeling Like A Boss...

Other guys were getting bounced by the stairs but I felt good as I was allowed to pass through with my beautiful girls… the devil wouldn’t bounce you at the gate of hell—believe that. And as we entered into the hell—oops! The VIP section (I had no idea it was the VIP)—we saw all that were seated by the other tables… all drinking Hennessey, GIV, Ciroc, Remy and “shit!” I thought to myself.

We found a table for ourselves and we were served the drink menu as soon as we settled in. I scanned through the four-leaved paper and all I saw were prices that made me ask if I was still in Nigeria! 200K, 150K, 120K, 100K, 180K, 90K… for just one goddamn drink?! I blinked several times—but fought the urge to wipe my eyes—to confirm that I was actually looking at what was printed on the paper in my hands. The cheapest liquor on the menu was 30K… and I had just 35K in my pocket.

Oh! You saw 30 million on the post’s title—so what? You didn’t think I blew 30 million Naira in one night, did you? Was I mad or under a spell? Convert thirty thousand Naira to Zimbabwean Dollars and you may have your millions though.

I just gave the menu to the girls to pick a choice for themselves while all the liquor I took before instantly left my system as I realised I was in hot soup… literally hot as I started sweating in the freezing air-conditioned room. They picked the 30K drink, and I asked them if they were sure of their choice… like I could afford anything else, eh? I dropped the cash and my spirit left with the money… [PAUSE] if you were in my shoes, what would you have done? [PLAY] we drank up and these girls didn’t disappoint me… they gave me 30K worth of body rubs as we danced all night!

3 hours later…

Liquor gone… no, thirty fucking thousand Naira gone! Yes, I worked for that shit and the pain came back as soon as I was tired of dancing! I went to sit and was thinking of how to live through the next month on the change in my pocket… it would be hell, I swore.

And right there, in my sorrow mode, a cute girl—not one of mine—came to sit beside me… also to rest from dancing, I guessed. She later asked for time, to which I didn’t reply but showed her my wrist for her to see herself… God knew I was too tired of earth at that particular moment. But can you guess what happened the next moment? This strange girl put one of her arms around my shoulder in an attempt to rest her head on me… and like “WTF?” I just slowly stood up, dropping her hand like shit, and walked away, while all the guys present stared at me in awe… little did they know that my problem at that moment was greater than a free “punani”—or what did I do actually?

"30 Million in one night..."

I was already out of the club before I realised I just lost my hard earned thirty thousand Naira in one night… no, thirty thousand and a free “punani”—did I hear you say “shit”? I’m still saying that till now!

Tega

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