BARBIE TEE’s Diary | Ms WakaWaka’s Own Valentine Saga

Some have boyfriends but got no Val gift, some got Val gifts but no boyfriends, I have boyfriend(s) and I got Val gift(s), glory be to thee, oh Lord, amen!  All my life—well, since I don dey waka—na one day I dey like pass for the whole year: Valentine’s Day! You dey ask yourself where the “Saint” dey? Abeg no dey follow dem dey call Saint Valentine because e don tey wey people don comot the “Saint” with their behaviour; now, na just Valentine… in fact, make we just call am “Val” as e dey waste time to say the whole “Valentine” word.

Make God just help us for this world. This Valentine wey pass was really hyped—in fact over hyped—people were just showing off; Instagram full so tay… Facebook nko? Twitter was over flooded! I just can’t imagine what a girl that didn’t get a gift would have gone through with all this show off, but me I thank God that I did not get a gift, I got plenty gifts… in fact e reach to go church go do testimony. But how did I spend my Valentine day?

Well first things first, I hail una oh, yes all of una wey don dey follow me since for this #1 Story and Magazine Blog, #MikellzBluez, and all of una wey just dey join… I mean all my WAKARIANS, na your never changing Miss WakaWaka, the only one in Nigeria. Na me be the only Miss Hot Legs and Miss Everywhere You Go (why you think say MTN stop to dey use that line? Na me get am ni!), my yansh no dey siddown for one place, I go don waka come your hood before sef… and if I never come, well just wait, I go still show. My mission for this life so na to waka and I go waka so tey nobody go waka reach me for this world… shey anybody don waka reach me now sef ni?

Anyways, lemme try and solve the mystery behind Valentine. Apart from the gift sharing, abeg nothing dey special for Valentine again. No be today people start to dey have sex; it happens every day, every hour and every minute. No be today people start to dey play love… well whoever invented the day had reasons and it is amazing that after so many years, it is still a day most people look forward to the most… ok ok ok lemme stop this beating around the bush and just give you the hot gist of how I spent my Valentine’s Day.

"Well...few new and cute things"

As we all know, 2014 Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday; I had to go to work. Since I have so many potential Valentine lovers, I decided to do a kind of filtering so that I can cut down on some useless ones and focus on the ones wey sure. And you no go wan try how I take develop the technique wey I use….

From like two weeks to Valentine, I started calling all my “onibaras”… did I say “calling”? No, I flashed and sent “call me back” messages; why would I waste my money when the outcome wasn’t sure? The ones that called back were taken to the next stage and the ones that didn’t were deleted from my Valentine offer. I now went to the next stage, I told them my house rent was due and I needed to pay as soon as possible so that the landlord would not pursue me… this was another stage, where some were completely filtered out because they didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, but after, I had 7 solid left, who promised to send something to me by the end of the following week. I knew some were just empty promises but the fact that they promised took them to the next stage… but the funny thing is that out of the seven guys that reached the semi-final stage, only four sent the money before Valentine’s Day!

But the smartest of them all was Martins, whom I had filtered him out at the quarter-final stage and until the morning of Valentine. Alhaji Audu was actually the winner, who sent the largest amount, but at work that Friday morning, I got a bank alert from Martins and the money he sent conveniently swallowed Alhaji’s input… and that was how he became the The One For The Day!

I quickly called Alhaji and the other guys that sent money to me that I got a call from the village that my mother wants to see me urgently and I have to go and see her… well, I also promised to make it up to them—Barbie Tee pays all her debt, you know. *winks*

If I had chosen based on other things, I wouldn’t have chosen Martins at all; he wasn’t that good looking, lazy in bed and his snore is so loud that it can keep a whole town awake… but abeg, all those ones na small thing joor, all that he lacks in looks he has made up for with his money.

I got to the office that morning and work went on as usual. I was thinking of the perfect excuse to leave work early but because it was Val’s day, it wasn’t going to be easy… but around past two, a miracle happened! My oga announced that he was closing for the day and that we could leave anytime we wished to… immediately he left, I didn’t waste time at all, I left the office too and took a bike straight home.

Like magic—within few minutes—I had changed from the office girl to a girl that was ready to paint the town red. Paint the town red, yeah it was Valentine and that was my plan… I called Martins and told him to pick me up at a bus stop near my house; I usually don’t like guys picking me up in front of my house because of the Association of Amebos in my house.

I got to the bus stop and had to wait for 4 minutes—see me counting, I really wanted to make most of that Valentine’s Day ni—before Martins joined me.  I entered the car and my mind’s eyes bulged in shock; the guy has even gone fatter and uglier than the last time I saw him, I had to fake a smile. And as I sat in his car, speeding through the roads of Lagos, I was dreading what a day it would be with this hulk beside me… oh no!

But I soon forgot all my regrets for choosing Martins because he made my day… no, he did it big time, spoilt me and made me feel like a queen, took me to a shopping mall and told me to buy anything I wanted, and we went back to one of the most luxurious hotels in town where he had booked a suite… mehn this guy might not look good but he has good taste! And the way he was just killing me with gifts, it was as if he consulted a Babalawo who told him he had to spoil me with gifts so that I’ll look past his ugliness.

We got to the suite and I quickly took a shower and changed into one of my sexy numbers! My plan was to give him a full professional play and more—according to his request—anything for him to get his money worth sharply and sleep off… and yeah, I brought earplugs to protect my ears from his snoring too.

As I made my way towards him on the bed, I noticed he was still sitting at the edge of the bed that I left him when I went to shower… and now he was holding a small box that had ribbons tied around it in his hands, which he was staring at… what could be inside the box? A car key? If it was a car key, I don arrive be that oh—choi! Dem go take! My own personal car? My show off is about to go to the next lev—he looked up at me and brought me out of my daydreaming as the following words came out of his mouth….

“Baby, I know we have not really had what can be called a relationship but at this stage of my life, I have decided that it is time to settle down. And out of all the women I have had something to do with; I think you are the most appropriate. And besides, my parents want me to marry this year… So please, will you marry me?”

Just like that, I was completely dumbfounded! It usually doesn’t happen to me—not to have a reply to a question—but this time, I didn’t know what to say. I just stand there dey look like mumu…. Did I accept the proposal or not? Well, join me next week to know… till then, I remain your ever pretty sweetheart, Miss WakaWaka. Muah!

Barbie Tee

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Mikell’s Note: I sincerely apologise for posting this piece “this late”… it was due to some factors beyond my control. Massive appreciation to all our loyal readers, contributors, supporters, and everyone working selflessly to make sure MikellzBluez stays alive … Much Love!

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