#FLICKS | Twitter AVATAR Of The Week ★★★★★ @THOLAH_

Real Name: Omotola Aka

Twitter Handle: @THOLAH_

#MBz09 - Sister Tola; My TOTOrial Master IV

…What worse can happen to a Youth Corper in the middle of an unprotected popo with a village girl and the girl asked: “…Hope you don't have AIDS…?” and the boy said “NO”, only for the girl to say, “…Thank God; because I don't want to catch that thing again!”? (…that goes to all of you that can't do without sugar; sweet things do also kill…seriously!)

My Bank Manager was confused with his mathematics, so he called his secretary to assist him, “I have $217,000…what will you take off to get 25%?” and she replied, “…If I must confess sir, I will take off my blouse, my skirt, my bra, and even my thong…that’s hell of a cheddar” (don't tell me this planet still has women with only money running in their brains…or am I lost? What planet is this?)

The girl sitting opposite me couldn’t take her eyes off me, so the girl next to me had to help her out — she gave her eyes a good rain of pepper-spray! And before anyone could stomach what happened, the girl opposite gave the girl beside me a phantom face wipe! All I felt on my cheek and my shirt were spurts of red liquid — she must have had the fingers of a witch — the victim was instantly cursed with Tribal Marks! Don't be alarmed for me; the girls must have been sworn enemies or something because I don't know any of them and will never know the cause of their fight…. So, I'm here with the final flexpisode with Sister Tola.

Like I said, it was a revelation that cold night in the common room and thus, the Genesis to my Exodus of Training! First lesson was to ensure good Judges by making high Numbers of strong strokes; so that when I meet Deborah, Ruth and Esther, they will definitely sing The Song of Songs to Tunde, IK, Samuel, Titus, Joshua and Amos to relay the Chroniclez and Acts of my Longthing! (Don't forget she was a Christian Sister and we had to be biblical with everything we did!)

2nd lesson I remembered she taught me was the ability to be active anywhere — classroom, field, pool board, bathroom, in-door, out-door, in-car, in-pool … did I say anywhere? Now, I'm simply Thuraya! (I don't like MTN, otherwise I should be MTN; everywhere you go.)

The spark at that time was that there was another girl at the side while my main girlfriend was on board as well. (How I wished the girls loved each other enough for us to enjoy four-some). So, keeping up with my TOTOrials was a little challenging but this girl wouldn’t have it — she would always hook me at the slightest opportunity and wash off every little 'vanilla' left in my system!

Sister Tola (toh badt gannn!) actually washed me so much that I lost my colour! Whenever she got hold of me, she would change the soap water like 8 times consecutively. This went on for some days that everyone started to notice how faded I looked! And after 3 weeks, I was as pale as HIV — all from a Christian sister? (I guess it’s natural for you to come out in beast mode if you were caged for long or how will you explain Sister Tola being a life-taken freak?!)

And just like the Corper in the first paragraph, I kept taking the sugar; not acknowledging that diabetes does kill. But the greatest thanks to my very good friend — Amama!

So, like every morning routine after my roommates left for class, the soap water had been disposed for the 6th time. Then I staggered to ma friends’ room to ask for extra CD (you can't imagine the record we was waxing that morning…) and they all screamed like they saw a ghost but still had to give me the CD I requested…

Back in the room, Sister Tola started playing Police and Thief with me, where she was the police stopping and searching the thief (Me)…. And you should know how the search usually ended — she would find a BIG gun in my trousers and the rest would be story (so much popo creativity for a Sister!)…. But the story had to end right there that morning — Amama decided that. He came banging on my door like a mad man every single time Sister Tola discovered the gun, so we had to restart the game … till the final time he decided not to go until Sister Tola left!

…And Glory is to God; that was the last day Sister Tola fellow-shipped with me! And I later made a confession to my girlfriend then (remember I said I was supposed to be a better man, but girls didn't let me be). However that was the last time washing got me faded — my taste for laundry centers had since been super high (Guess good effs don't fade…) and my authenticity have been upgraded to 100000%; Yes — 100000%! So, no matter how much you love washing, it is your machine that will wreck because I now have auto-revitalization in my system — don't try! *winks*

… Mikell'z Bluez Continuez…

#MBz09 © 2013

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#MBz08 - Sister Tola; My TOTOrial Master III

…Is it true that when someone throws a stone at you, you should throw a stone back; but if someone throws love at you, you should sit back and beware because love sure hurts more than a stone…? Then why are all these girls always asking for love when it hurts so much or why do they complain when it starts hurting like they don’t know it would? And why do love hurts so much despite the entire sweet attribute we give it? Love is calm, simple, caring, and beautiful; it tolerates, endures, protects, and lasts forever + eternity; it doesn't fight, get jealous, backfire, back-bite, take advantage, and envy… I am CONFUSED!

Well, it is none of my business — I'm done with love (meaning that I don't need any more of it; I have enough) — so it is left for you people looking for love to be ready for the shit that comes with it. One advice for my guys: You better wise up when it comes to love/relationships/marriage otherwise you will be sharing the bitter drinks with Michael Jordan, The Dream, Mark Anthony, 9ice, Bow Wow, Soul E, Nas, Timaya, Charlie Sheen, and the recent member, Chris Brown (just to mention few of the members of 'Men with Shattered Hearts' Club…).

Please let us drop the love talk because I'm back with the conclusive part of my ‘flexcapade’ with Sister Tola, so let’s get going (oh! You don't want it to finish it now? Okay, I'll see what I can do about that). Yes, Sister Tola was writing with body language, and if there's any language I can't read on earth; it is definitely NOT body language. I was following everything she was saying even when she was not tweeting. Following her word by word and it was almost getting to the character limit but we were yet to upload what was on our minds…. We buzzed, pinged and poked like millions of time though — yes! She buzzed whenever I touched that place and the reaction of my longthing was like an agama aggressively acknowledging a situation like: Ping! Ping! Ping! Do you still need me to analyze the 'pokes'?

Don't get it twisted, I'm not the type that kisses and tell! I don't do it and I don't even enjoy listening to such… So, flock it! These are my Bluez and it is up to me to confirm the reality of it all. But for now, enjoy the humour, and you can effin hug a transformer if you can't stand my creativity!

So, after several Social networking but not enough connection availability to upload, we had to go wireless. And to further confuse me about the minds of these ‘Sisters’, Sister Tola suggested we change access points and the nearest available (you should understand we were under fire) point was the COMMON ROOM — the place you attend to your visitors when you don't want to disturb your roommates!

You can't imagine the proximity of the connection when we got there — Google Search was one-touch and pages were opening at the speed of click. I ensured the connection was secured to avoid infiltration of spyware, virus, bacteria or fungi; you should never trust the internet — it’s always risky! So, with my Explorer ready — Nope! Firefox was and is still faster, though I've upgraded to Google Chrome now — don't try! So, with my Firefox loading and the Homepage readily opened, the rest, they say, was story. But the story didn't end there….

… Mikell'z Bluez Continuez…

#MBz08 © 2013

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#MBz07 - Sister Tola; My TOTOrial Master II

I must admit that I love girls; just like the idea you all have about me (it won't be proper to say my fans are wrong — so, I must write and act up to expectation), I love them pretty and for unbridled intimacy. And the first two imaginations — no, three — that come to my mind when I see you (either you are walking by or you were introduced or I'm slowing your pace on the road) are:

1. How fresh looking and soft feeling your jogs will be to my eyes and to my hands if you are blessed upfront!

2. How my anaconda will elevate your morale when you twerk on me if you have it heavy in your trunk.

3. Please don't even think about undressing for any man because he will just puke on you, if you are a scrawny skinny binsh! (No offence intended to the skinny models on earth — it’s all about the money, I understand)

Mikell Loves Em Beautiful

Well, I so much love girls that I have a girlfriend — yeah, I do (or don't you want me to have one?)! And another thing I love about girls is their irreplaceable company (Ladies give me good company, I got orgasms even without been touched — HaHaHaHaHa — that was a joke!). One thing I love about their company is the romantic atmosphere (except for the Christian sisters though — did I just say that? So, where would I place Sister Tola?). One thing I love about the romantic atmosphere is we get to touch each other (show me a girl that doesn't like touches and I'll show you a vicious monster on the mat). And one thing I like about touches is they eventually lead you to the bed, the chair, the table, the floor, the bathroom, the car or any popo conducive area near where the company started….

…And so the company started in a cold night in my room between (Brother) Mikell and (Sister) Tola when she passed me the first note. Well, what else could I have done than to respond positively (or what would you have done?)? We exchanged tens of notes like one American romantic movie and it was interesting (company getting romantic, you see?)… Then she started a series of confessions: I think of you always…I dream about you…I always watch you and sometimes just follow wherever you go…in short, I can lie, steal and kill for you! (I believe you recognize obsession when you see one…)

How did the touches start? Err… how do they normally start? No one can really say or rather, write; I can't really write how touches start for the first time with a girl — it just starts! So, we were coded-ly touching while my roommates were reading their books (bet you can't imagine how crazy that felt…). But how do we get to the final stage of this company… more so when her hands were already going south? (Hope you still have it in mind that I'm writing about Sister Tola, and we actually fellow-shipped that far…)

…To be candid, I sometimes see myself as a devil because I often make ladies do things they should never have done or were they always pretending about my bad influence? (And it’s not really like I have fleets of ladies and I get to sleep everyday like you are always thinking… for the records) But how will you describe Sister Tola shoving her hands into my Marks & Spencer?

Well… it was getting so steamy at the souths (hers and mine) and we had to get to the last stage but I couldn't send my roommates out of the room… OMG! It was cold, so cold, very cold that we couldn't just end the popo levitation with just some stolen touches (would you? Eh?). But what will you do if you happen to be in our shoes…?

…Mikell'z Bluez Continuez…

#MBz07 © 2011

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#MBz06 - Sister Tola; My TOTOrial Master I

The first and only Apology for those who have been expecting more from Mikell'z Bluez for so long — I actually went on a long rest (you no go wan kill me; even God rest!), and I hope you didn't miss your favourite reading getaway much…

I'm sure some of you bad belle will be thinking: let’s see what he's got after the boring Ife story…. But let me tell you: Mikell'z Bluez is not stopping as long as there's internet connection…and very soon, Mikell'z Bluez will be the most interesting thing that ever happened to blog!

Like I wrote, this season of Mikell'z Bluez is all about my (and other men's) experience with women and relationships. Frankly writing, I've been through plenty of good, bad and ugly experiences, and if I was asked 10 years ago if I will ever be involved with things I've been involved in, I would have rebuked the person! Even when I started having relationships, my hope was to be a better man — a man totally different from other men (a man that can take on 10 women at once? WTF was you thinking?!) — but if you check the soles of my feet; you will see how disappointing the places they have passed through. And one of my ugliest experience with women was my time with Tola (don't stress yourself; you can't track my choice of names)!!

Even Eve taught Adam many THINGS

Well, I owe Tola one thing; Tuition Fee! I don’t know if that was how it went with other bad guys but it was on Tola that I had my unlimited practicals before I became a certified p-killer! I was a newborn in the popo world and she made herself available as an energetic guide; no resting and I doubt if there was a day we didn't go down the juicy road….

Remember what I wrote about Ife's advancement? I mentioned that no girl will ever get such response from me till death (girls don't like you when you are too cool and respectful — believe it or not — they prefer the rude and bad guys who will wreck their body)! So, at the time Tola came on board, I had a girlfriend and Tola was aware but didn't mind. And as a matter of fact, there was another girl at the side as well (save her story for future episodes).

Tola got my attention because she was so friendly (one of my lezes once said that is my weakness; give me little attention and friendliness and watch as my dingalin will be dangling for you!), and she started paying me room visits. But I didn't see her as a popo machine till a very cold night in my hostel….

Did I describe my hostel? It was a big hostel with lots of occupants, and we were 3 in my room — I had 2 roommates then. Plus I was the only roommate that brought girls into our room! In the hostel, we had ‘common rooms’ for every block and floor. Common rooms are open halls where you can attend to visitors if you don't want to disturb your roommates.

And so, it was cold that night. I was writing my poem for the next week's faculty editorial publication, and Tola was going through my written poems (I actually enjoy showing my poems to girls, so check few of them HERE and on my facebook profile's notes). And all of a sudden, I saw a paper on front of me with just these words: I like your poems but I like you more!

Oh! I didn't tell you she was a member of the choir in a student fellowship on campus. Well, she was and that was what knocked me off (like: Sister Tola?!). I know you must be laughing your heart out now, let me give you all the time you need before I tell you what transpired between (brother) Mikell and (sister) Tola that cold night….

…Mikell’z Bluez Continuez…

#MBz06 © 2011

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