BLUEZ GETTING HOTTER! #MBz29 Sadiq’s Thirst For My LOLLYPOP — Part II

So funny how women complicate simple things and when you, as a man, fail to understand the situation, you will find yourself all alone — no, just you and your balls. Funny how man is always expected to do the impossible — mindreading! It is funny how women find it super difficult to ask for something directly but make some mindless statement and expect you to pick out the keywords. Funny how only God can understand women, as they can’t even understand themselves.

...and man is expected to see through like he has x-ray for eyes

But it is not funny when some men thought they have had enough with the percentage of confusion in the system of women — like God created them from the man’s ‘confusion bone’ (we have a funny bone, you know) — and decide to share their love and intimacy with the same gender. Or what did you think inspired the men-only club? And it is not like the men find it easy finding someone like them though… or would Sadiq have to construct a skyscraper, just to impress me?

And I am so sure that Eminem started performing his “Ass Like That” rap in Sadiq’s head as soon as I walked in front of him the first day we met in my neighbour’s room that he thought a best way to crack me was to present an irresistible movie opportunity. Wait, I am yet to tell you what the movie was to be about … alright, on this episode, we shall know all about the movie; just follow.

Okay, whatever the movie was all about, I was so down to feature and make some cool cash for me, most especially when the producers are not from the very much loathed ‘nollywood’ film makers. So, I started marketing my acting skills that I spent my pre-degree days with a drama group in my student fellowship and I had even taken a lead role in an all-student-fellowship drama presentation before… but with all I had said to nail my interest for the movie in his mind, this guy just said, “I don’t think you can act this movie I am talking about.”

“What?” but this guy didn’t reply my question but asked me something so very off-point (but so on-point to him): “you like ‘straffing’ a lot, right?” he asked, “How long does it take you to knock out? How many rounds can you on a roll? And how long does it take you to stand up after a knock out?” I was a bit confused about the need for these questions as he appeared to me as a person that loathes straffing… but as the movie was all I had on my mind, I quickly gave him the truth about my youthful strength and energy.

“how long can you go?”

Sadiq was very professional as he presented the movie package one step after the other — unfortunately, he studied zoology; that nigga would have made a superb marketer or a ‘yahoo boy’ — and the most interesting part was the promised pay for featuring, a staggering $800,000. Yes, eight hundred thousand US Dollars! “Gba! Gba! Gba! Gba…” ‘Yahoozee Remix’ beat started in my head and this Kelly Handsome’s money song joined like a DJ mix — you possibly can’t get the picture, no matter how I paint it.

But can you believe that Sadiq kept repeating his doubt that I would be able to feature…? I almost slapped my point into his head. “What is in the movie? Is it not acting? Haven’t you seen me act with UCAAD (University Christian Association of Ado-Ekiti or something — I can’t remember) Drama Group before?” I asked with my brain already converting eight hundred thousand dollars into naira, “please, don’t confess negativity into my life oh; I will do!”

After much suspense, Sadiq let the head of the cat (note: not the whole cat) out of the bag, and yours sincerely, it was a “BLUE FILM” the guy was talking about. And I was still like: “So what? The girls will be tested for STDs and shiiz, won’t they? I’ve been spending money to bless these girls with my weapon of mass pleasure; you are telling me that some people want to pay me for doing the shii for free and you think I won’t do it; are you mad? Please, where are they because I am already spending the money mentally?!”

Then Sadiq digressed a bit to ask about my strength and ability again, and since I then have the idea of what the movie was to be about (but to now think of his original intention for asking those questions and my enthusiastic answers is fvcking hilarious), I told him the length of my first and second rounds with my ability to stay reloaded after the first round. He calmly listened to every detail like a sick bastard that he was, and gently told me that the movie makers are not into man-woman movies as there were lots of those around. He then explained that they are into the man-man movies because those were scarce and the craze and demand for them was wildly high as men-only club was just getting legalized at different part of the world at that time….

“let us make a ‘blue film’”

*sips vodka*

…MikellzBluez Continues…

#MBz29 © 2013

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