Showing posts with label Crazy Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy Me. Show all posts

Thursday, 13 February 2014

[VALENTINE’s SPECIAL] #MikellzBluez Vantazy Valentine | CRAZY ME


Valentine is in the air!!! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! But what is it all about? Is it not another Christmas in barely six weeks?! Oh! Do you mean that I am over-reacting?! Okay, I ‘collect’ but can you ask a girl to spot the differences between the two? Other than no Christmas trees and lights, and you may not necessarily kill a chicken or cow… Christmas and Valentine’s Days are both the same when it comes to gifts—in a girl’s mind! I doubt if a man won’t even spend more on gifts during Valentine compared to Christmas!

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

[CRAZY ME] LIST Of Mikell’s TOP 10 TWITTER SWEETHEARTS IN 2013


Happy New Year!!!
Will we ever stop saying that line? Don’t mind me; I am also excited jare2014 shall be our year to move from greatness to greater greatness! Alright, it is a new year and I am feeling good; you can guess I am feeling too good for me to think the next thing to do is drop a list—a list, of all things—of my Twitter sweethearts… like: who actually gives a flying fhuck? Shut up! I know you give a massive b.job—very close to fhuck—otherwise you won’t be here. And even if you don’t give anything, I am here and I am doing my thing, on my page, with my madness, and I love it… mind of a wanker or a wack Naija singer—your choice.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

[CRAZY ME] GOODBYE TO 2013 | MY 2014 CRAZY RESOLUTIONS


Oh yes! It seemed like I would never write this piece… but fhuck it, everyone already did their version, and I can act the ‘best that is being saved for the last’ and give you this crazy shit in the last hours of the year!

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

[CRAZY ME] MERRY CRAZY CHRISTMAS!! | ★★★ Mikell's Christmas ShoutOuts ★★★

Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyy! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! How so loving that this post is dropping on Christmas Eve — did I hear someone say perfect timing? Tell you what; even Rolex can’t give you that shit. Mehn! Christmas is in the air and the craze is overwhelming… the way people are on the hyper side of life; you would think they have been waiting for this moment since last year’s Boxing Day.

Thursday, 19 December 2013

[CRAZY ME] FRESH OUT Of The TOILET…

Grunting hard with your eyes almost popping out of their sockets — like a madman giving a madwoman his raging pipe — as a very thick manshit softly finds its way out of your shithouse like a prisoner obtaining his freedom… you leave the lavatory with your mind screaming “free at last” whereas it is the long imprisoned shit that just left your body that is actually “free” in this situation. Don’t mind me, I know the feeling though… like some unseen body-cuff comes on you as soon as the shit grabs you; hence you shout “I am ‘pressed’” *chuckles*

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

[CRAZY ME] SAMSON And DELILAH: Craziest LOVER BOY Ever Existed

I just discovered I am not a nice guy — don’t let my visuals and audio fool you — my drama is all about removing whatever costume you have on and have my weapon of mass pleasure have you blown all over the props; and if I do not leave you lifeless when I am done, it is sure that you will be reeling away with every cell in your body shouting hallelujah. Story, eh? How about we act it and take over the whole of ‘nollywood’ with the motion picture?

Miley should just say, “Mikell, oya!!

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

[CWAZIE MOI] Independence Speech #RePost



Another October 1st is here! Yes, Happy Independence (even as I couldn’t sleep well due to the fear the vigilantes in my area gave the whole neighbourhood about an impending serial armed robbery)! Yes, the famous October 1st is here and my mom can like to regale us with how they usually wore all whites and trekked from Agodi-Gate to Liberty Stadium just to celebrate the Independence Day. Yes, they did. And they usually met friends on the road, with whom they would sing and talk to their destination without knowing they just walked across the metropolis. Where are the school pupils walking today? And is Nigeria still the country that had done you so proudly that you would willingly walk under the sun to celebrate her independence?

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

[CWAZIE MOI] B!%@#&S Over MONEY!!


First of all (don’t “go down low” please), something is not very right with the title — no, the words are in the right order — my choice for ‘b!%@#&s’ instead of the real b-word is something you should know that I am too insane to do. #MikellzBluez is currently under content review by AdSense and they do not support adult contents for their services. So, we are working at ensuring a thorough makeover for the blog by censoring all our adult texts and images, and that means you will have to catch up with most of our codes and slangs. We express massive apologies to all our fervent readers and fans.


Yeeeaaaahhh! I am back again and I am going straight to the matter, no play for four people — I hope you get that; lots of codes and slangs will be going on, don’t be left behind. Anyways, as much as I love and can die for Lil Wayne, the guy said something I can never agree with. I was listening to his “Get That Money” rap with Birdman on their “Like Father Like Son” album and he was like: “money, money, money — that’s my intuition//money over b!%@#&s — such an easy decision.” No nigga, you can’t tell me that… and I wasn’t through with Wizzy when Bow Wow came with a full track of shouting “Money over B!%@#&s” with Meek Mill — the F is wrong with these people? If that Bow Wow doesn’t have anything to say, he should better just keep to the 106 and Park Show and do countdowns for those who have stuffs to say! Then I come on Twitter and I see all these poor ‘mofoz’ — who are not making enough for their mouth — feeling like hustlers when they tweet the wrong line… I simply shake my head, but it now time to nail this bull’s excretion once and for all!

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

[CWAZIE MOI] Do Away With That V-BURDEN Now or NEVER!!

Yes! Yes! I am back again and I need not tell you it is time to read again. Third week in a row, CWAZIE MOI has been hitting high numbers of page views and I have just one person to thank for that — you, my fanatic reader! I really love how you insanely love my shii, so much that my toilet bowls are getting jealous! And I know you clicked on this piece, thinking: “warrisdis for chrissake? Is he mad?” well, you are now reading CWAZIE MOI!

After two wonderful plates of hot Amala and Abula, I went under my shower and my brain instantly teleported to another universe as soon as the water touched my sweaty flesh. I came out of the bathroom with great inspiration and I am here to tell you, women, to drop that v-burden before it is too late — yes, this is my gospel at the moment; accept it right now or tomorrow might be too late!

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

ANOTHER ONE! [CRAZY ME] In The KITCHEN…

Yeah! I’m back again! Black and proud (as you can see); young and gifted (yes, I’m still young, mo’efferz); hot and smokey (put your hand in my boxers and feel the temperature); heavy and loaded (just finished eating); fresh and clean; up and high on gin and juice (vodka, sorry); touring from coast to coast (of Ibadan, yeske!); accumulating fans from wall to wall (tell me who is within my room who is not my fan); clearing cheques from banks to banks (details coming soon); making green off your eyes! Lemme leave you to do the math because I will need to be higher than people on grass to welcome you to another crazy week!

Yes, I am the one again and I remain my crazy self, but on another level — even a common madman knows that his ‘shit’ is not going to sell if he repeats the same show over and over again!

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

[CRAZY ME] In The BATHROOM…

YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
It was just like yesterday when we started this #MikellzBluez together and today, we have 20 #MBz Episodes and over 15,000 page views in less than two months of reactivation! Are you asking why I said ‘WE’? To my knowledge, #MikellzBluez is a platform where I invite you just to read, but you dynamically inspire more… and as a matter of fact, YOU are My Bluez and my unbridled appreciation goes to YOU!

Lots of people are asking me “Who are you?” and they want to know more about me, especially where I get all I write. They want to know if my words are true and if they depict my kind of person. They fear for me because of the girls I write about, while some want to experience what I gave the girls I write about… and most importantly, they want to know the enormity and magnitude of my nozzle, all I can say is: This is just the Beginning.

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

[CRAZY ME] The NEW #MikellzBluez Jonzing Twitter LIST!!

If you are new to Cwazie Moi on #MikellzBluez, I’ll like to inform you that I don’t welcome no-fucking-body! However, I’ll like to let you know that you are now reading #MikellzBluez Jonzing Twitter, and— what? No list? What list? From the title? Oh! LIST on the title, please ignore that— what? You’re here to read a Twitter list?

Are you serious? So, if there was no LIST on that title, you wouldn’t have clicked the link, would you? Well, this is #MikellzBluez Jonzing Twitter and it’s my pleasure to inform you that you’ve just been jonze'd — yes, anal!

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

SUPER FUNNY • [CRAZY ME] Short Age

Hello! I think I am getting better … who the blond (my replacement for the F-word; genius, eh?) is you? Oh nurse, you are here with my meds? I should put off my boxers; I want my anus to drink the syrup this time! Oh shii (yes, you should picture a filled up latrine right now), what are you doing with my chocolate bar, nurse? You mean you want me to give you an injection too? Hmmmnnn… sweet, I like the way you are unwrapping my choc, nurse … Mikell, yes that is my name… YEEEEESSSSS! Blond it! I was dreaming; moms can like to interrupt everything! And I won’t answer her this time; instead I will have my hands go up and down on my God-given massive pen and write this Blog Post with the white ink after….

Yes, I know the title of this post is short age and you just read something short like a second ago. Just give me a paragraph and let me quickly write something about an age I read about before I write about both words.

Yes, I can’t remember the book I read but the writer was about deception, and one of his examples was dated back around the medieval era. He wrote about a strange but confident man who came into London from a nearby village but claimed he was from a far place, where all Londoners wished to go but never privileged to. This man fabricated lots of lies about the entire culture of this far place and he became highly influential and wealthy eventually. I instantly wrote such deception off as invalid because everybody now has a map and eyes are open as well. But can someone tell me how Goodluck Ebele Jonathan became your president (yes, your president — I sure didn’t vote for him)? Well, that nigga sold you the story of a sandal-less boy and instantly made a bridge between the medieval and this age for Nigerians. What could I say when everyone was naming him the messiah back then? Good luck.

It is a funny world, and a beautiful one — I must admit. And the world is never stopping; always developing — with different ages, they usually say. In this world, they had Stone Age, Wood Age, Metal Age, Plastic Age … Jet Age, Computer Age … but I think we are now in the SHORT AGE!

No, if you don’t believe me, then look around you — the mobile devices shrinked from big-for-nothing to paper-slim phones; I learnt they used to build a house for computers when it was invented, okay they reduced it to desktop with time … what will you say of palm-tops and tablets now?

You would need a video player (VCR, VCD before DVD) and a television to watch mojo before, but it is mobile on your small Nokia phone now. And I remember buying loads of CDs for my SONY CD Walkman back in the days, but Apple Inc. thought and said, “Why can’t we have a room full of CDs in just one device so small that we can use it as a tie-clip?”

Everything is unbelievably small now, even our GIRLS! Where are the tall girls? All I see around are short ladies, or should I say Little Women (proudly calling themselves cute and petit; you’re just a tall midget, sweetheart!)? And the irony is their love for tall and huge men; have you written your last will and testament, babe?

I see some men with these succinct sisters and the pictures that flood my head instantly make me conclude: nothing is impossible! Well, I am also guilty (a repetitive victim of the concise set-up) and I am already having myself a self-conviction even if I'm not being charged with CHILD MOLESTATION!

David and Goliath?

Mikell © 2013

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Cwazie Moi is a NEW segment on #MikellzBluez. If you write crazy stuffs, we welcome write-ups via mikellzbluez@gmail.com but we may not be able to post everything. Thanks.

Other NEW segments recently added to #MikellzBluez are INSPIRE, POEM, FLICKZ and PROMO. Check them out as well. Thanks.

#MikellzBluez is open to comments, criticism, inquiries, and contributions. Reach us via mikellzbluez@gmail.com or Mikell’s Twitter and Facebook Accounts. Thanks.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

EXCLUSIVE [CRAZY ME] HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKELL!!

Yes! Happy Birthday Mikell! Or is it your birthday and I should mention your name? And writing this in my honour is one the best things I’m doing for myself as I don’t have enough money to travel to UK to celebrate the day like Linda did. *dancing and singing* "...all I want for my birthday is a big boorie babe! (No Ho)"

And yes, happy birthday to all my birthday mates, especially the very beautiful Ariyike. Who is she? Why do you want to know? Why not just continue with your reading?

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

[CRAZY ME] In The Beginning Was LOL

Listening to Lil Wayne says “Blood in my eyes” and you may relate that to some deadly gangster shii, but a Naija Rapper saying that will give you only one meaning: Hunger of the First Order!

Yeah, I am that effing boring and I may have to try a new girl out to see which dies first; the boredom or the effing. Evil genius; all I think about is serial killing girls with my very notorious EQUILIZER2000 flockarm (Oops! Firearm) and writing nonsense, I hope you will enjoy this….

Friday, 27 September 2013

[CRAZY ME] I Told Ya!!!


Crazy Me, Crazy You; without that, this world is not cool! And that's how I start the Cwazie Moi’s First Official Episode; if you don't like it — keep your load! No, no hostility; we are here for fun and you are welcome to a new segment on Mikell’z Bluez, the Blog that keeps you coming back for more.