There’s into you, and then there’s
head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip a man over that edge.
It’s a baffling question: Is there some
specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide “Yes, I think I love
her”? Well, the answer isn’t clear-cut, but there are some general principles.
“Men have certain innate needs that must
be met before they truly feel connected to you,” says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The
Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. “When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you’re ideal on all these
levels, that’s when he’ll commit.” Boiled down, guys have four primal
relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of moves by you.
Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these insights to use when
your guy is at the brink.
The
Desire: To Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic
sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which
makes him feel good. “Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see
your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to
take care of you,” says David Givens,
PhD, author of Love Signals. So give
him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates
you with feeling like Superman, of course he’ll want to couple up. These little
things can draw out his hero side.
Give
him a job.
Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of
bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask
his opinion. Whether it’s about your 401(k) options or the
best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his
brawn.
Wear
soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and fur
trigger an intense response in men. These fabrics accentuate your softer,
feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.
Don
his clothes. It shows that you’ve chosen him over other guys —
sexy.
The
Desire: Freedom
Even emotionally healthy men want
assurance that their identities will stay put after they’ve become half a happy
couple. “By making it clear that you don’t expect your guy to change, he’ll
feel like you truly understand him but don’t threaten his sense of self,” says
Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of Secrets You Keep from Yourself. “That leaves him
feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit.” The following moves let him know
you’re no ball and chain.
Blow
him off.
Men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans.
He’ll not only feel easier — and open up more — around you, but he’ll also
start to wonder what you’re doing and pursue you more.
Share
your own fears. Guys often hold back because they think most
chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing,
let him know. He’ll be reassured that you’re navigating new waters too, not
trying to trap him.
Reinvent
yourself.
Little changes in your appearance now and then — say, hair up in a ponytail one
day, down the next, etc. — remind him that you’ve got zillions of facets to your
personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect
his privacy. A physical space that’s totally his is a huge
symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying
out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.
To be continued…
Come
here next week for the final part of this article, which
contains factors that can deter a man
from falling in love… DON’T MISS IT!
[source: cosmopolitan.com]
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