[Season’s Special] #MBz32 - Mikell’s XXXPLOSIVE Christmas Cruise — Part I

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Season’s Special Greetings from #MikellzBluez to all our readers, followers, fans, lovers, haters, supporters, emulators, minions, sweethearts, friends and family! You are welcome to this year’s Mikell’s (and Pablo’s) Christmas Cruise, which will be dropping every day, from today till the last day of the year… so, don’t effing miss any episode as they promise to be XXXPLOSIVE!

Merry Christmas again, and I hope you visited Father Christmas today… Don’t miss this year’s plastic, biscuit and candy (Or has there been any difference since the last time I saw Father Christmas in 1991?)! Back in the days when we used to celebrate Christmas, we usually flock the Amusement Park, Zoo, and Cinemas to celebrate the day, but the sad story is that all of those are now history to the kids of nowadays! And mind you, the story we heard in our days was that there were couple of lions, elephants, tigers and giraffes in the zoo before; I don’t know if they can still boast of chimps in the Zoological Garden! Most of the toys in the Amusement Park are now relics of what they used to be; the only amusements you will find in the park now are the local artistes and DJs making noise! Well, the cinemas are still there but I think we’ve found another trend that replaced watching movies — drinking!

When Girls Go To See "Father Christmas"

For Afro girls, I doubt if there are differences between Christmas and Valentine — it’s all about the rain of gifts and invitations to eat the food they couldn’t buy themselves throughout the year…. And the proximity between the two ‘special’ days is like the calendar was actually made for our girls — they just used those days to zap everything they need for the rest of the year from the guys, while the guys have to work through the year to recover from the expenditure just to do it again at the end of the year.

For guys like me, Pablo and Mikell 3F Diggz (you wonder who I am, right? Just call me The Narrator), Christmas season is always like the beginning of a new “puzzy season” when we get to evaluate all the girls we had through the year. We drop some like bad habits for New Year Resolution and we try to fix dates for our prospective catches like a desperate football club manager buying players in the January open window. But this year’s Christmas is a little different for me because I couldn’t get to meet new catches, and you all know the reason: I may be getting married soon (you don’t believe me? I thought you were supposed to congratulate me, bad belle). However, you can trust that Mikell and Pablo got shows running this Christmas, and I’m here to tell you how it has been and will be going down for since the twelve days of Christmas till the end of the year.

Like a yearly ritual, the three of us hooked up to plan for the Christmas season at the beginning of December. Though I didn’t have any special plan except to spend the Christmas with my sweetheart, I still had to be there like a guy that had quit drinking but still takes two bottles of beer every week for his two friends instead of three — if he was still drinking. If you still wonder why most of my relationships ended by the end of the year or why most of them started at the beginning of a new year — this is not very far from the answer you seek. Well, not really at the beginning of the new year — I let most of my relationships start in the third week of February; over-cacu dey worry me, eh?

So, Pablo decided to drop Amara, the girl that once had him all-night and made him sick for the next two weeks (better do away with a killer-puzzy that won’t let you see another for the next three weeks), and Tinu will no longer have access to Mikell again because he just can’t cope with a girl that tells everybody that she had finally gone to bed with the fuckingly famous Mikell 3F Diggz! Well, there are several other names going down the drain: Funke, Nora, Ijeoma, Stella, Justina, Habiba, Sade, Chioma, Blessing, Nnene, Shayo, Vivian, Kemi, Sadiat, Sola, Oyin, Toyin, Amaka, Faith, Ifunaya, Bimbo, Chidinma, Joy, Happiness, Love, Smile, Laughter, Hug, Kiss… don’t my Igbo folks just look for a sweet English word and make it a name? Well, that’s just to mention but few of the girls they are dropping at the end of this year… if your name is listed, be informed.

Perfect Christmas Gift

So many new girls to fill in the space and if I’m to start listing names, those will be what you will read to the end of this episode… however, I will give you very few of them: Anita, Nifemi, Aishat, Brandy, Mariam, Cynthia, Tofunmi, Dinma, Steph, Amarachi, Ogechi, Oluchi (…and everything-chi), Aminat, Azeezat, Ganiyat… and even Muslimat! And yes, they didn’t forget to put these girls on the list: Josephine, Paulina, Daniela, Gabrielle, Michelle, Petery, Matthewine, Jacobina, Jesusine… or is it wrong to create more names from the male names in the Bible?

This Christmas season has most definitely been off the hook and Mikell’s plan is not to chill in a state — “shawties” are all around the country… even Zamfara, or where do you think Azeezat resides? However, Pablo got most of his packages in the south-western and the south-eastern parts of the country…. And all I am here to do is tell you how they have been going and continue with their Christmas Cruises (esp. Mikell’s trips). Do you think you will enjoy this…?

…MikellzBluez Continuez…

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